Dungeons and Dragons for Dummies
by Kina Kalamari
Summary: So the flock is bored one day and decides to play D&D, which leads to...well, you can find out for yourself if you read it. Oneshot for geeky people.


**A/N: So I was going through my D&D binder and books a couple months ago, and I had this really random though: What if the flock played Dungeons and Dragons? It had potential for a decent oneshot, so I decided to write it. Took me a while, but I finally finished it. Anywho, happy reading!**

* * *

"I'm going to open the door," Nudge told Fang.

Fang nodded. "Krystal opens the door, and is hit with an arrow for…" He rolled some dice. "Three points of damage."

You're probably wondering what the heck is going on here, aren't you? Well, I'll explain: the flock was playing Dungeons and Dragons. I know, it sounds really strange. If it hadn't been for Angel and Nudge's Bambi eyes, I never would have even agreed to it. As it was, we had all sat down and made up level one characters. Now we were exploring a strange dungeon under Fang's rather inexperienced Dungeon Mastering.

"An arrow?" Nudge exclaimed indignantly. "Why did I get hit with an arrow?"

"Because you didn't think to check for traps before you bumbled into the room," Iggy said. "I'm betting there was an arrow trap somewhere."

"Huh." Nudge dutifully marked down her loss of hit points. "Someone else do something. I don't want to lose any more hit points."

"I'll go into the room," Angel said.

"Okay." Fang shuffled some papers around behind his funky DM's screen that hid his stuff from us lowly players. "You see a large statue in the center of the room, and there are three goblins standing in front of it."

"Ooh!" Gazzy grinned maniacally and picked up his twenty-sided die. "We get to fight something!"

"I'm going to go into the room as well," Iggy said. "Can I get to the goblins to attack them?"

"Um…yeah." Fang looked up. "Are you going to?" Iggy nodded. "Okay, roll a twenty-sided for initiative."

Iggy did as instructed, then turned to Gazzy. "What's it say?"

Gazzy looked down at the die. "Uh…twelve."

Iggy ran his hands over his specially printed, bumpy character sheet. "Plus two," he muttered to himself. "Okay, I have an initiative of fourteen."

Fang rolled some dice behind his screen. "Theirs is a seven. You get to attack first."

"Sweet." Iggy grinned. "Anyone else with me?"

"Sure," I said. "It's something to do, at least." I looked at Fang. "Do I have to roll, too?"

"Um…" Fang looked thoughtful for a minute, then looked down. I heard pages flipping. A few seconds later, he looked back up. "Yeah."

I did so, and came up with a sixteen. "I get to attack with Iggy, then?"

"That's Icarus to you, elf," Iggy told me haughtily. "Stay in character. It _is_ a role-playing game."

"Well, if we're in character," I shot back. "Then your character just told my character to stay in character. How 'in character' is that?"

Iggy scowled and opened his mouth to reply, but Angel cut him off.

"No fighting," she said, pouting. "This is s'posed to be fun."

"Sorry, Ange," I said. "I'll be good. What do I roll to attack?"

"A twenty-sided," Iggy said. "The one with the most sides."

I picked up the appropriate die and rolled it. It landed on a eleven, which I relayed to Fang. "Now what?"

"Do you have any attack bonuses?" he asked.

I checked. "Um…plus three with my sword."

"Okay, so you got a fourteen." He looked down at his papers. "You missed."

I scowled. "Huh."

Iggy attacked as well, except he actually hit something. Then he rolled damage on his eight-sided die and came up with a six, plus two.

"Congratulations," Fang said. "You killed a goblin."

Iggy grinned. "Awesome. Anyone else doing anything?"

"Can I cast a spell?" Nudge asked. "I mean, I'm a wizard, right, so I should be able to cast spells. And they should do something to goblins. Unless they have something to make them immune. They don't, do they?"

"Yes, Nudge," Fang said, sounding a tad exasperated. "You can cast a spell. What do you have prepared?"

Nudge checked her paper. "Um…two _light_, one _flare_, one _read magic_, one _detect magic_, and three _magic missile_. Which one should I use?"

"Do the _magic missile_," Angel advised. "I don't think any of the others do damage."

"Okay." Nudge looked at Fang. "How do I do it?"

"You find what you need to roll for damage," he replied. "Then you roll that and see what you get."

"Oh. That sounds easy." She looked down at her paper again. "It says 'one die four plus one damage, plus one missile per two levels above first, max plus five'. So I roll a four-sided die and add one to the number?"

Fang nodded. "That sounds about right, yeah."

Nudge cast her spell, but she didn't kill any goblins. "Darn," she said, pouting.

"You can't kill 'em every time," Gazzy said consolingly.

Nudge just shrugged.

"Okay," I said, looking down at the 'Spells, Powers, and Magic Items' section of my character sheet. "I have a potion that says it lasts for ten minutes, but you've been giving us everything in rounds. How do I figure out how long it lasts?"

Fang bit his lip, frowning slightly. "I dunno. Hang on." And, surprise, he started flipping pages in his book-that-we-couldn't-see. We waited, somewhat less than patiently, until he finally looked up. "Ten rounds in a turn, round lasts six seconds so a turn is a minute, but only in battle scenarios. There's a different time ratio if you're not fighting anything."

"That's stupid!" I exclaimed. "Why not just use the same one? This game makes no freaking sense!" I let my head drop onto the table. "Too confusing."

I felt something whack me on the back of the head, and I looked up to see Iggy holding a black and yellow book entitled 'Dungeons and Dragons for Dummies'.

"It was written for you, Maxie," he said, smirking and holding the book out. "Think it'll actually help, or do you need something a little less complicated? There might be an Idiot's Guide to D and D. We could look."

I glared at him, which was of course completely useless. "No, thanks, but maybe we could get you an Idiot's Guide to Tact. Might help a little."

"Max!" Angel yelled shrilly. "Iggy!"

I looked over at her. "Yeah?"

"Stop bickering!" she said angrily. "Fun, remember?"

"Nice," Fang said over his DM's screen. "You guys just got told off by a six-year-old."

I turned my glare on him instead. "Shut it."

He held his hands up in surrender. "Of course, your royal unpleasantness. Didn't mean to offend."

Angel was nearly in tears now. "Not you two too!"

As I attempted not to snicker at 'two too', Nudge said, "Don't worry, Angel. It doesn't mean they're not having fun. Max and Fang argue all the time. I think they do it to keep themselves entertained when there's nothing to do."

I glanced at Fang, who looked as amused as I was at Nudge's statement, which wasn't at all true…well, not really. Maybe we did _sometimes_…but not most of the time.

Angel didn't look very comforted by this. "I don't care. We're supposed to be playing the game, and they're not."

"We're sorry, Ange," I said, trying to sound contrite. From the half-smile on Fang's face, though, I don't think I managed particularly successfully. "We'll play now. Fang, where are we off to now?"

Fang's smile turned into a smirk. "You hadn't killed all the goblins yet, Max."

"Oh. Right. I knew that." No one was fooled by my blustering. In an attempt to take their minds off it, I said, "Let's kill some goblins!"

There goes the rest of my dignity.

* * *

**A/N: So anyone who's read When The Wind Blows and/or The Lake House can probably figure out where I got Iggy's character's name. Seemed like a good fit.**

**I hope you liked it. Review, please?**


End file.
